Swing Until We Get Dizzy
Ah yes. The back and forth relationships. We break up, get back together, break up and get back together. Seriously, what is being accomplished by this? Absolutely nothing of course, but there are plenty of people who play "Ring Around The Rosie" until they fall down. They can't live with one another, but they can't live without each other, or so they think.
Why Swing:
The number one thing that happens with a couple who go back and forth is constantly causing one another pain and never letting go of the past. After they get back together, both parties still place blame on each other for the break-up, lack trust and consistency then split up once again.
Setting Boundaries:
Here's the simplified process in setting the standard. It's as easy as 1-2-3:
Know what you want out of the relationship
If you aren't consistent, you're allowing your partner to do the same. If they call and you feel it's okay to not return their call for a couple of days then they do the same and you get angry, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG. You set the standard. What you put out, you get back. You have no right to be angry if they don't call after you ignored them. Hello.
This DOES NOT mean let your partner walk all over you. It means backing up with actions, what you SAY you want. Your relationship should be a 50/50 partnership. If one does everything, their energy will eventually be depleted to the point of mental exhaustion. Then they can't give to themself, let alone their partner.
Stop The Cycle:
LISTEN AND COMPREHEND what your partner is telling or showing you. You absolutely can't be self-absorbed. This is why the relationship is going around in circles to begin with. Both parties are selfish and refuse to acknowledge their lover's desires or compromise enough to find middle ground.
If or when you set your standard and your partner refuses to even try to find that happy medium, the relationship is OVER and will never be successful. The same goes for you. If he or she is expressing their desires and you can't oblige, then be the bigger person and admit that to them HONESTLY. Don't keep them hanging for selfish reasons.
You CAN live without someone. You just choose not to. A break-up isn't a cause of death, it's a re-birth and eventually when you get sick of yourself or the swinging relationship, you'll be able to move on to something positive.
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