Swing Until We Get Dizzy
The Back And Forth

Ah yes. The back and forth relationships. We break up, get back together, break up and get back together. Seriously, what is being accomplished by this? Absolutely nothing of course, but there are plenty of people who play "Ring Around The Rosie" until they fall down. They can't live with one another, but they can't live without each other, or so they think.

Why Swing:
People do this because there is no standard set and if there is, neither one of the parties involved want to accept it. They break up because the relationship isn't working, but they honestly do not want the other person to be happy without them. They swing because their egos are dictating their actions and belief system. Not only that, but BOTH parties have emotional and insecurity issues. They don't believe they can be happy without that other person in their life. Also, they don't believe they can get anyone new who will want them for who they are naturally.

The number one thing that happens with a couple who go back and forth is constantly causing one another pain and never letting go of the past. After they get back together, both parties still place blame on each other for the break-up, lack trust and consistency then split up once again.

Setting Boundaries:
To stop the "Ring Around The Rosie" cycle you must set boundaries. What do you want out of the relationship? Express your desires to your partner and if they won't abide without you pressuring them, WALK AWAY FOR GOOD. Don't keep going back to them knowing full and well they can't make you happy. Every time you go back, you're sending a message to your partner. "I didn't mean it, I was just kidding. Go ahead, walk all over me again. I like it". Actions speak louder than words.

Here's the simplified process in setting the standard. It's as easy as 1-2-3:

Know what you want out of the relationship
Express yourself clearly to your partner
Follow it up with action and never back down

If you aren't consistent, you're allowing your partner to do the same. If they call and you feel it's okay to not return their call for a couple of days then they do the same and you get angry, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG. You set the standard. What you put out, you get back. You have no right to be angry if they don't call after you ignored them. Hello.

This DOES NOT mean let your partner walk all over you. It means backing up with actions, what you SAY you want. Your relationship should be a 50/50 partnership. If one does everything, their energy will eventually be depleted to the point of mental exhaustion. Then they can't give to themself, let alone their partner.

Stop The Cycle:
If you've made the decision that you want to stick with your swinging partner, then it's time to stop the back and forth cycle. That means, LETTING GO of their past actions or inaction. It means forgiving them and yourself 100% for any pain or mental anguish. You have to want to try, be accountable and alleviate blame in any given situation between the two of you.

LISTEN AND COMPREHEND what your partner is telling or showing you. You absolutely can't be self-absorbed. This is why the relationship is going around in circles to begin with. Both parties are selfish and refuse to acknowledge their lover's desires or compromise enough to find middle ground.

If or when you set your standard and your partner refuses to even try to find that happy medium, the relationship is OVER and will never be successful. The same goes for you. If he or she is expressing their desires and you can't oblige, then be the bigger person and admit that to them HONESTLY. Don't keep them hanging for selfish reasons.

You CAN live without someone. You just choose not to. A break-up isn't a cause of death, it's a re-birth and eventually when you get sick of yourself or the swinging relationship, you'll be able to move on to something positive.