Breaking Up

Breaking up sucks, let's face it. Whether you're on the commanding or receiving end of a split, not a single soul likes the feelings that flourish in the aftermath. The question I'm asked most often doing my job as a psychic-medium is, "When is he or she coming back?" Sometimes I get yes more often than not, I get no. EVERYONE and I mean everyone has been on the receiving end of a break-up. If you haven't, your time will come, believe me. It's a fact of life. We need to go through this process in order to evolve in the physical and spiritual world. Break ups are often what projects us to the next level in our lives. It's usually the factor in showing us who we really are and what we're here to accomplish.

Let me just say that every single time I've been on the receiving end of a break-up, I've learned a great deal and have been able to use my experiences to dictate my next major move in life. If you're honest with yourself, you have too. Yes, I have a positive view, but it hasn't always been that way. As a matter of fact, I'm human (ha ha) and so I'm still obligated to go through the trials and tribulations "normal" people experience just because I'm living in physical form. No matter who you are, psychic or not, the answers to our questions and resolutions to our problems can't always be presented to us when we want.

This article is being written with hopes that we can help those going through this process get the real reason for their experiences with break-ups. Also, to provide a solid solution as to how this should be viewed, how to go about dealing and moving on with life.

Making Sense Of It All:
The first question usually asked is "why". Why did this happen to us? I thought everything was fine! Sometimes there's never a question as to why the break occurred, but even in that event, the underlying question still exists. Just to clarify, there's ALWAYS a reason for breaking up. The reason is this: the relationship wasn't working out for one or both parties involved. That's the simplified answer, however, other issues such as cheating, lying or lack of commitment could've been the catalyst.

If you're in a situation in which your partner just "magically disappeared" without a trace, the reason is still that things just didn't work out, whether or not this person had somebody else taking your place. It's important to NEVER take a break-up personally. Just because you weren't right for them, does not mean that there's something wrong with you, unless of course if you're a psycho stalker, completely self-absorbed or just using them. Remember, the whole point to dating a carrying relationships is to find someone that compliments you naturally. (Sorry if that's getting redundant, but it's true)

There isn't just ONE way to make sense of it all. If you just keep things positive, simple, don't over analyze and blame yourself for everything, the answers you need will come naturally. Moving on won't be as difficult as you anticipate and it will be a lot easier to put yourself out there once again for the dating game crusade.

Getting Closure:
It doesn't matter what the situation is, personal closure is needed to move on to the next level in life, even if you're experiencing a friendship break-up. When one door closes, another opens. Usually, the new door is bigger and brighter. (And the people are way hotter *wink*)

With regards to a romantic break-up, closure is rarely given by the commander, but is found within the receiving party. More often than not, closure is presented to us in the form of a personal epiphany and usually occurs after the event. The timing of an epiphany varies from person to person. Depending on how open one is to finding conclusive answers, the information could take weeks and even years to reach the surface.

A lot of times, the answers come while in the next relationship. If one doesn't let go of their ex, the issues that followed the break-up or learn from the situation, they will end up attracting the same type of relationship in the next round. There's a lesson in every single thing we do, especially when it involves other people and romantic relationships. You won't be able to attract what you want until you leave the past behind; permanently.

Online Love & Breaking Up:
I hear this all the time: Internet romances aren't real, just fantasy. That couldn't be more wrong. As a matter of fact, online love can be extremely real and the effects of that type of break-up can be more damaging than a physical connection. It can be easier for some to express themselves on the internet OR to be someone they're not. When both parties are exactly who they say they are and share a real connection, they can suffer a true loss when their romance ends.

Most often in online love, the break-ups come unexpectedly and the receiver is left without closure. In any case, when a relationship ends, the receiver often feels like they've wasted so much time and energy on the commander and not only do they feel rejected, but angry that they let their emotions run so deep. They can also feel as though they've betrayed their belief system, especially when it comes to online relationships. "Why didn't I see that coming?" and "I knew this was too good to be true" are often thoughts that cross the mind of a receiver and sometimes even the commander. The key in a situation like this is to NOT beat yourself up. Do not take your partner's departure personally. It's their loss.

The best way to get over an online break-up is getting the hell out of the house and off the damn internet. Treat this like a "real" break-up. Surround yourself with people much like yourself and do fun stuff. Most likely, you've spent so much time on the computer that you've shut out the rest of the world including your friends and family. Throw yourself into spiritual growth, make the changes you've put off and lastly, pull the positive out of the negative situation so you can find the lesson from your experience.

Why Letting Go Is So Important:
For your sanity, letting go is the key. A lot of times we tend to fall into the desperation and depression trap after the break-up. Although these emotions come naturally, in the end it's detrimental in progressing to the next level. Be very aware of your emotions and feelings. Allow yourself to feel the pain but do not let that energy flow continuously for months upon end.

Remember, when one door closes, another opens. The only way a new door can open is when you've left the past where it belongs. If you're holding on to what was, what will be isn't accessible, even if the ex-boy/girlfriend could re-appear in your life. The real purpose of a break-up is to show us that what we had, wasn't working. If you're still attaching yourself to the past, but claim to want a new partner, no prospect will appear until you've left the ex behind, relieved your issues and learned your lessons from the previous relationship.

Moving On & Starting Over:
Letting go of all damaging emotions such as anger, pain and betrayal is the first step to moving on. Finding closure on your own, accepting what is and who you are will also help carry you to the next level. Not taking the break-up personally and constantly placing blame on outside influences, including your ex, will allow you to open yourself up to new and exciting experiences.

It's best to keep yourself busy after a break-up. Detaching yourself from the things the two of you used to do together, stop hanging around mutual friends and not crying over pictures will keep your mind off the past. This process isn't easy, but it can be done if you really want to get your personal power back.

Most of the time while in relationships we tend to stop doing the things we used to do when we were single. Go back to your old hobbies you dropped when you planted yourself in the relationship. It's time to find yourself on emotional, physical and spiritual levels. When the time is right and you've completely let go of the issues that resulted from the break-up, you may want to start dating again.