Ah yes, denial. We’ve all been there and I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t. There are plenty of times in our lives when we put ourselves into situations where we just can’t face the truth, even if it’s blatantly staring us in the face. It’s not that we can’t, we don’t want to. We CHOOSE not to. When our lives are rough and we refuse to be accountable, the first thing we do is blame someone or something else. Anything that will take away the pain we’ve bestowed upon ourselves. Now is this really healthy? No way. Is it human nature? Absolutely not. It’s a choice. It’s time to analyze why people stay in this hole and find a way to get out.

Why Does One Choose Denial?
A person would choose to dwell in the denial state because it’s easy. Yes, it’s easier to turn the other cheek when we’re in pain. Those who are in denial are afraid to take a closer look at the facts for fear they’ll drift into depression. Obviously nobody likes feeling depressed. It’s a horrible phase to go through especially when one gets physically ill, feels lost, empty and/or senseless because of it. They also don’t want to feel as though they’ve failed...again.

Change & Responsibility
People who choose denial also refuse to take responsibility because they are afraid they might have to change their ways! These are the types of people who are comfortable living in fear. These people feel that they should never have to go out of their way and that everything should just fall in their lap. They also make tons of excuses as to why everything that failed in their situation is not their doing. People in the denial state do not want to pull the positive out of their situation and refuse to accept the lessons that were supposed to be learned.

It’s important to take responsibility for your actions so that you can learn and grow. If you hurt someone with your words or actions, it’s imperative that you accept that fact so you don’t ever have a repeat of the same scenario. Once you acknowledge the fortitude of this, you may be able to fix the situation. It’s the natural law of "cause and effect". If you can’t fix the situation, don’t fret. The particular event wasn’t supposed to be changed but now you can move on knowing what not to do next time around.

The Lovers Denial
Over half the clients I have call me about their broken marriages or painful break-ups and still desire to have that person come back into their lives. Most of the time they’re telling me how the other person left them for "no apparent reason". Denial.

They left because of what was said, what was done or quite frankly, you’re just not the one for them anymore. There are so many other reasons for a break up. In the case where that person appeared to have just "magically disappeared", all one can take from that is the person chose to not give an explanation. Even if you didn't do or say anything that could be considered damaging, you are not to sit there are believe the break up was not without probable, logical cause.

Even if you didn‘t cause the issue(s) in the relationship and the other person isn’t willing to take responsibility, why would you want to be with someone who isn’t making an effort? Denial. Why is this denial? If you’re willing to be accountable for THEIR actions and STILL wish to take them back, you’re denying yourself the opportunities for love you truly deserve! We understand that it is difficult to move on from a dead-end situation without closure, however, know that the answers will come when you're supposed to know. Sometimes our closure comes in the form of the same situation, but with another person.

Next we have the people who are alone and refuse to look within to ask themselves why. I get a TON of clients who complain about being too old or not old enough. Too good looking, or not good looking enough. You get my point. I constantly hear, "I’ve wasted the last 10 years of my life being patient and nothing ever happens!" In the amount of time you have been negative and fearful you could have been changing your ways and attracting potential partners. Your energy has been like a brick wall, posing as a barricade against any potential mate from entering AND STAYING in your life.

The Romantic Band-Aid
An underlying, common misconception about love is that it fills the void in one's life completely. Absolutely NOT! We need true balance in order to live a healthy lifestyle, however, being in a romantic relationship is only ONE area of life that may need to be fulfilled. If you are striving for happiness, a relationship may not be the ONLY thing that needs tending to. You may be single because you're not TRULY AVAILABLE yet and it isn't your turn. Do not go seeking a mate thinking that it will fix all of your problems. You can probably attract one yes, but you may find that your life will become more difficult, exhausting and imbalanced.

If you are looking to be validated, which is also very common, a love life seems like the easiest way to accomplish that goal. Remember though, if you're not truly ready for that relationship, it won't last and you will still be left with an empty hole in your spirit. Validation, like getting our answers, never comes when we are seeking. It shows up when you least expect it and only then will it actually do the job right.

Get Out Of Denial
This is where the reality check comes into play. Obviously if you’re not happy with what life is handing you, DO something about it! You can’t expect God to hand you a relationship when you haven't done your part. If you want your life to be changed, you MUST do something different to get a new result. We have the super power of creating our own reality. Free will is the greatest tool given to us by God so please don’t go blaming the universe for your desolate lifestyle. If all you’re doing is going through the motions of life and expecting a love to fall in your lap, then you have nothing to offer yourself. If you don’t have anything to offer yourself, what makes you think you’ll have anything to offer anyone else?

Here are the key points to getting out of this mode:

* Establish a desire to face emotional, physical and spiritual reality
* Be accountable for your actions at all times
* Stop automatically placing blame on someone or something else when a situation goes bad
* Be willing to read the writing on the wall and stop trying to paint over it
* Make changes in your life that are in your highest good and make that decision for yourself
* Re-establish a concept of what is most important in life
* Step outside your ego to prevent you from being self-absorbed
* Start trusting God and Spirit
* Build a positive belief system
* RELAX