Attack of the Smelly Garbage

We all have it. Mental and emotional garbage we dump on others often unbeknownst to us, but sometimes not. If you're on the receiving end, you know it doesn't feel too great. Below are the contenders for the worst, most potent smelly garbage. * Jealousy * Competing with others * Being self-serving * Needing to be in control Jealousy Ah yes, jealousy. I’ve been dying to write about this topic for YEARS, but never received the intuitive hit to do so. Since I’ve been hearing so many complaints about this lately, I figured that now would be a great time. Straight up jealousy or as Spirit would say, envy to the extreme, is the #1 killer of true joy and fulfillment. From what I gather, it’s also the most potent stench found in someone’s garbage. Does that sound harsh? Well, it IS harsh, especially if you’re on the receiving end. It took me a while and now I’ve figured out where this “envy to the extreme” comes from…but first, what is jealousy, really? From the ever-so-handy Merriam-Webster Dictionary: Jeal·ous- 1: intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness 2: hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage 3: vigilant in guarding a possession I’ve highlighted #2 because that’s the definition that’s sweeping the collective these days. My way of wording the definition of jealousy is this: You see someone with the life, person, notoriety or thing you want and instead of being happy for them, you’re pissed. Notice the word “rival” in the dictionary’s definition. A rival doesn’t always have to be someone you don’t like. In some cases, it starts out when people are friends or co-workers and after the jealousy sets in, it can take on a life of its own. More often than not, the person feeling envious doesn’t even know the other person that well, if at all. This is especially true if we‘re talking about the work place and the people involved aren‘t social outside of that environment. Here are the most common scenarios and complaints derived from jealousy: A co-worker is doing the same job as you and makes more money Your ex-lover is happy with his/her love life and you still aren’t with yours A friend seems to “have it all” and you can’t seem to get it together Someone is getting a lot of attention and you think nobody notices you Most people don’t want to feel jealous of another, but sometimes they just can’t help it. The #1 reason people get jealous of someone is because they lack the confidence to create the life they really want. No confidence and drive = No real life of your own, plain and simple. Competition Jealousy and competition go hand in hand, however, there is such a thing as healthy competition. It’s only healthy when you have a natural drive to succeed, but aren’t out to “get” or “one-up” somebody else to achieve your goal. If that’s the route you’re taking, let me say that it will come back to haunt you. Unless you’re willing to take that chance and live with the consequences, I’d advise you to make a right hand turn and try something with pure intent. I had a friend complain to me about a co-worker who had stolen a great idea she came up with. This person went to their manager behind my friend’s back and presented the new concept. The manager loved it and now my friend is left feeling angry toward this co-worker (who pretended to be her friend, by the way) and dreading the job. I said to her, “Sweetie, this girl doesn’t think she can come up with her own ideas and be successful, so she took yours to try and promote herself.” Since my friend is quite popular at work and this girl doesn‘t seem to be, I added, “She may also be envious of your popularity and wants to get noticed. Instead of being herself, she’s trying to be YOU. Maybe she‘s tried other things and nothing worked.” With all of that said my friend replied, “But WHY would she want to be ME? My life sucks!” Yes, why indeed… By the way, this co-worker was recently fired from the job, which had nothing to do with my friend. Karma anyone? If people really knew what the object of their affliction’s life was really about, would they be jealous? Maybe, but most likely not. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. You may think you want what someone else has, but what if you’re wrong about them? You know what “they” say about assuming. Just don’t do it! Here are a couple of ways to get out of the unhealthy, competitive realm: Play a supportive role with people instead of trying to “one-up” them. If you take the time to see things from a non-emotional perspective, you will be able to appreciate and support the person you are intimidated by. Being self-serving will not garner you any sympathy or support. Once you do this, chances are you could find yourself in healthier working relationships and/or friendships. Take on a career/hobby that you truly love instead of trying to do something that will only serve as an attention getter. “Do what you love and the money will come” has been a popular saying for quite some time now and it’s not only true with finances, but with everything in life. If you’re doing what you truly love then you won’t be bothered by office politics, gossip, anyone else’s status or have the need to be constantly validated. It wouldn’t even pop into your mind. Don’t try to be somebody else. We hear it all the time, BE YOURSELF! Yes, be yourself and be ORIGINAL. You will not gain popularity or notoriety in the long run when you’re nothing but a theif. This is especially true in the work place when you steal someone else’s ideas or practice plagiarism. The truth always comes out. Take a chance with your own ideas. You never know who will actually like what you put out there. Stealing will only leave you with this: You weren’t the creative genius behind those fabulous ideas and you‘re still unhappy. Accept situations and other people as they are. My new favorite line is, “Miracles happen when you stop trying to change what is.” You don’t have to like another person to accept who they are. Acceptance means understanding that a person or situation is what it is, it can’t be changed and it’s pointless wasting your energy trying to do so. Once you accept things are they are, you’ll be able to work around them without being highly emotional and going into an unnecessary frenzy. Furthermore, if you’re trying to do something over and over, but without the results you‘re seeking, perhaps you’re not on the path that’s meant for YOU. In closing I’d like to say that we can’t be victims all the time. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has been guilty of dumping their smelly garbage on to someone else. Sometimes it can’t be avoided, but as long as you own up to the fact that you’ve been the “dumper”, you will probably receive forgiveness and be able to start again with a clean slate.